Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
