I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
