you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
