I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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