I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
NoShamevember. You game?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
