I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
