My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
