the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
