Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize