im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
