dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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