Heybabeimwearingurpanties
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
