I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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