Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
