he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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