Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
