I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
