hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
