You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
