this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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