I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
