The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
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