sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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