We won't sleep together?
Me too!
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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