thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
