my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
