he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
