just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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