Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
it glows. i had to have it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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