guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Randomize
