I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
