no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
