You work out of a Hotel?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
