you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
if i died would you start the facebook group?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize