Will you blow on my dice?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
