You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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