She is in my trunk
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
