I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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