i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
