I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
