what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
