Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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