Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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