me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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