i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
