also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
