What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
