Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
