i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
