OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize