You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
