My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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