Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
