Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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