Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
