It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
