I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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