I think I just saw someone hide a body.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
