Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
