I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
