We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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