Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
