I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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