I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
