His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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