hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
