you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
